Monthly Archives: March 2013

republican-daniel-winslow

Massachusetts State Rep. Daniel Winslow: Beer Pong Man of the Year?

(photo courtesy of the Medfield Press)

Vote Republican!

Before you get too defensive, hear me out. No, I’m not one of those idiot Facebook politicians who are bashing Obama, chiming in on gun reform or healthcare, or pushing some other stupid agenda. Yes, this goes for the Liberals too. But I came across an excellent story recently that makes me wish I lived in Massachusetts.

We always hear about how terrible beer pong is for today’s youth. It leads to binge drinking from underage college students, drunk driving, violence, gambling, etc. In fact, in most bars across the country laws regulate that cups be filled with water, not beer. Such a terrible game, that beer pong, right?

Wrong. Enter Massachusetts State Rep. Daniel Winslow. Not sure how this news escaped me, but less than two years ago Winslow held a beer pong(!!!!!!) political (!!!) networking (!!!!) fundraiser (!!!!!!)! Check out the link to the Facebook event here: http://www.facebook.com/events/159330014148290/

Daniel Winslow, not that any of you degenerates in Massachusetts are registered to vote, is one of three Republicans running in the 2013 Massachusetts special election for U.S. Senate. What does that mean? I’m not totally sure, but I mean, the guy did hold a beer pong fundraiser. I’m amazed. If you live in Massachusetts and don’t vote for the guy, you’re doing the beer pong community a great disservice.

No word as to who won the event, but check this article out for a brief recap: http://www.motherjones.com/mojo/2013/02/dan-winslow-massachusetts-senate-beer-pong

The best thing about Daniel Winslow? He doesn’t give a shit about the elbow rule.

abepong











future-of-beer-pong

The Future of Beer Pong

Technology has changed our way of life. We live our lives on the go with laptop computers, mobile phones and tablets. If you’re one of the 1% that doesn’t own such items, you probably aren’t reading this anyway. We can watch live sporting events on our phones, play video games that look realistic, make a cup of coffee in a few seconds, you name it. Pretty much everything from Back to the Future Part II (except the hoverboards) is now available with three years to spare before 2015.

We don’t think of it often, but technology has had a big impact on the sport of beer pong as well. The game has come a long way from playing on a ping pong table with red party cups and scribbling next games on the inside of an empty beer box. You don’t think so? Take it from an old timer like me.

1. Foldable Beer Pong Tables
It was once a rite of passage to go to Home Depot, buy a big piece of plywood and hide it behind a sofa or underneath a bed until it was time to play beer pong. They were awkward and heavy and difficult to transport, not to mention tough to sneak in to a dorm room or on-campus apartment. I was amazed the first time I saw something that resembled a metal suitcase unfold into a glorious, eight foot beer pong table. You guys don’t realize how lucky you are.

2. Beer Pong Racks
When BPONG first introduced the beer pong racks, I kind of rolled my eyes and didn’t appreciate them at first. Seemed like more of a hassle than it was worth. But now, playing with racks is like second nature. Remember how the table used to get wet after a few games, and that last cup just wouldn’t stay still and would keep sliding as you shot? Not anymore. Games run much more quickly and smoothly now. Plus all you leaning assholes don’t have to fix the rack after every shot.

3. Bracket Software
If you’re reading this, chances are you have attended a beer pong tournament where the host or organizer had an awesome bracket set up on a piece of poster board, only to ruin it by filling in the teams straight down. Why don’t you do this? Because you end up playing a team in the winner’s bracket finals that only played one game to get there. Now, with a click of a button organizers can fill out a bracket quickly and properly, with the more advanced organizers using spreadsheets to make tournaments even more efficient. When was the last time you saw a big tournament run without a laptop, and how badly did it suck?

4. Inflatable Beer Pong Tables
Summertime, bikinis, beer pong, and no need for a water cup. Do I need to spell this out?

Yes, beer pong has come a long way in the last decade or so. It’s crazy how such seemingly small changes can revolutionize the sport. Let’s face is, Billy is like the Willy Wonka of the beer pong world, and I personally can’t wait to see what he will come up with next…










3-people

What 3 people would you play beer pong with, alive or dead?

At some point, I’m sure someone has asked you, “If you could have dinner with any three people, alive or dead, whom would you choose?”

I hate that question. Usually it elicits the same canned responses from people. Maybe you’d choose Jesus, Susan B. Anthony, or Martin Luther King Jr. It’s a slick way for people to find out more about the things you value without asking questions that would be illegal to ask in job interviews.

Well, I’ve got a better question. If you could play the upcoming Masters of Beer Pong with any three people, alive or dead, whom would you choose and why? With at least $100,000 on the line, it’s a tough choice. You may want someone that you can get along with for a couple of days, someone talented, and someone able to perform under pressure. Or, you may just want to choose someone down to party nonstop for a couple of days in Vegas. Decisions, decisions.

Here are my three choices:

1. Robert Horry
Robert Horry played 16 seasons in the NBA and stands 6 feet, 10 inches. At 6’10” and no elbow rule, dropping a ping pong ball into a cup 8 feet away is hardly a difficult task. But why him? There are countless NBA players taller than him and more talented than him. I could have picked Michael Jordan or Lebron James or someone like that, but Robert Horry has something they don’t: Seven NBA rings, the most of any player in modern time. I admittedly don’t watch a lot of professional basketball, I root for Lebron and troll for him on Facebook, but that’s about it. But it seems like anytime I’ve watched the NBA finals, there was “Big Shot Rob” hitting a big shot when it mattered most. I can’t think of anyone else I’d want shooting a rebuttal shot in the finals.

2. Ray Lewis
My personal love of Baltimore sports aside, would there be anyone more intimidating to play against than Ray Lewis? He would make Ron Hamilton look like Ron Paul. He scared the shit out of NFL players for the better part of two decades so I’m confident he could get in the heads of some punk college kid beer pong players. I also couldn’t imagine a more supportive teammate. My play would be described by most as “inconsistent” so I’m confident RayRay would be able to pull me aside, whisper a prayer into my ear, do the squirrel dance and get me fired up. I mean, he won a Super Bowl with Trent Dilfer at quarterback. Oh yeah, he may have also killed a guy(s) once, so I may escape Vegas without getting slapped or spit on for once.

3. Tiger Woods
Tiger Woods is one of my favorite athletes of all time. I absolutely hate how the media built him up, only to tear him down, only to build him up again. He’s a tremendous competitor in every way imaginable. If the guy can sink 40 foot birdie putts with millions of dollars on the line, I’m certain he can shoot a ball from 8 feet away. But it’s not even about that, I just want to party with him in Vegas. Can you imagine a couple of days at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas? From that Swedish supermodel to the lovely Lindsey Vonn, Tiger Woods has the sexy blonde thing down pat. And he’s got about a billion dollars or so, so chances are good he’d buy a round or two.

So, if you could play the upcoming Masters of Beer Pong with any three people, alive or dead, whom would you choose and why?










never-too-old-to-pong

Never too old to pong

We’ve all been there before. You’re at someone’s family party, barbecue, wedding, etc. and the beer pong table is out. The younger people are playing beer pong or flip cup on the tables and the older partygoers are sitting in lawn chairs just hanging out watching you play. Maybe there is an inflatable table floating around in the pool. Everyone is having a great time.

And then it happens. One or two of them walk over and start asking about the rules. You can tell by that twinkle in their eye that they really want to play, but feel weird asking. After a little prodding you convince them to take a shot or two. Next thing you know, they are calling next game and the older folks are leaving their lawn chairs to come over and play. You’ve lost the table for the rest of the party.

It’s always hilarious when older people play beer pong. I don’t know exactly why, but it is. Most of them seem to shoot a little goofy, and they can’t seem to remember the rules no matter how many times you explain them. The mothers and grandmothers look truly embarrassed to be playing, like their parents just walked in on them making out as teenagers.

Most of us have different personas on the beer pong table. The way we speak and yell in the heat of competition are completely opposite from the way we act around our parents, coworkers, and non-ponging friends. It’s funny; when an older person gets on the table it’s almost as if we have an inner conflict… We don’t want to yell and cuss or talk too much trash, but we also want to tease them a little and have some fun. It’s a fine line to walk between just having fun and making sure not to make ourselves look like complete assholes. No matter how much older we get, most of us still feel like we’re going to get in trouble when we pong around older people.

It’s great when the older players start dishing out the trash talk and hitting cups. You never expect to lose a game of beer pong to someone who doesn’t play competitively, but every once in a while you will play a newbie and find yourself on the ropes. Suddenly everyone is cheering against you and hoping the old guys pull out the win.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s awesome to play in big tournaments like the Masters of Beer Pong with a minimum of $100,000 on the line. I can’t even imagine what it would feel like to win that amount of money in a game of beer pong. But sometimes it’s great to see someone new and completely unexpected experience the fun of playing beer pong for the first time. It’s good to think back every once in a while and remembered why we started playing the game: We wanted to have fun.










getting-better-at-beer-pong

Getting Better at Beer Pong

Once upon a time in the competitive beer pong community, you could count the elite players in the country on two hands. Whether you’re located on the West Coast or the East Coast, the same names would come up in every conversation. As the community grew and more and more players were exposed to the competitive levels of the game, something happened: Everyone got good.

The first World Series of Beer Pong I played in was WSOBP III. My partner at the time had made his debut the year prior and he told me we would be a cinch to make Day Three. He told me that players in our region played the best competition throughout the year and we would be so much better than everyone else. Our first opponent on the first day was a guy he had won a lot of money from off of cash games the year before. Those guys that apparently “sucked” beat us by 4 or 5 cups. It was more of the same for the rest of the tournament and we ended up NOT making Day Three, the first and last time I would miss Day Three.

It used to be that you could look at your preliminary schedule and figure out who the “easy wins” would be and what the “touch matchups” would be. You’d ask your friends if they knew any of the teams or players. Not anymore. You can’t underestimate anyone these days. Just because a player isn’t well-known or just because they don’t make a million posts a day in the National Beer Pong Facebook group doesn’t mean anything. Almost everyone who is signing up to play competitively at the WSOBP or Masters of Beer Pong can play and hang with the best.

So how do players become great players? I think there are three ways:

1. Natural Ability

As shitty as it is for the rest of us, some guys are just naturally good. The first organized tournament I ever played in also happened to be the first organized tournament that Sean Foster played in. My friend and I looked at the team Sean ^2 and, given our background in partying, figured it to be an easy win. Well, they smoked us. They finished 2-2 but went on to take second place in their very next tournament a couple of weeks later. Granted, Foster has become a much better player since then, but even from the beginning he was hanging with the best.

2. Practice

Practice anything and you’ll get better at it, right? In the case of Sean Foster, he took beer pong practice to the next level. He invented the “Pong Shot” ball return device. Basically, he’d shoot a ball at cups and it would roll back to him. Rumor has it he would take hundreds of shots a night. We know this because his ex-girlfriend would tell everyone how much he would play with his Pong Shot. While not everyone has a pong shot, we’ve all shot cups by ourselves from one side of the table, retrieve the balls, and shoot from the other side. Some practice with their partners, etc. While practice can’t replace real game experience, it can certainly take a player to the next level.

3. Experience

Neither the highest amounts of natural ability or practice can substitute for true game experience. There’s no preparation for how you’ll feel the first time you make the finals of a tournament. Almost all of us go through the “happy to be here” phase of a beer pong career. You’re in the finals, you’re guaranteed a prize of some kind, and you are just happy to be there. Once you get a taste of victory or defeat you’re left wanting more, but those first couple of times, it’s all good win or lose. But for most of us, it takes a while to get rid of the nerves you’ll experience shooting a big rebuttal shot, or coming back from a deficit with our backs against the wall. It takes a while to learn how to deal with distractions, and on the opposite end, how to get in your opponent’s head as well. In the end, you need to learn from experience how to get better.

There are no easy wins in competitive beer pong anymore. One day soon, if not already, a miss or two will cost you the win. Everyone will keep getting better.

beer-pong-girlfriends

Dear Beer Pong Girlfriends

You are appreciated.

No, I’m not reciting the lyrics to 2Pac’s “Dear Mama.” But I wanted to give a shoutout to all the beer pong girlfriends out there. We appreciate you.

Let’s face it: Most of the time, the payoff for winning a beer pong tournament isn’t much. Maybe we’ll get a trophy, maybe we’ll get some cash, maybe we’ll get a bartab. Chances are, the entry fee and time we spend trying to win come close to balancing out our investment. We may barely break even. Still, we play. And you support us.

Beer pong tends to bring out the worst in a lot of us. We drink too much. We say things in the heat of the competition we would have never guessed we’d say around you when we first met. We act like babies when we lose a tough game. We blame everyone and everything except our own play when we come up short. We lie to you when we tell you it’s our last tournament, that this is it, we’re retiring. Still, we play. And you support us.

When we first started dating, we loved that you came out to almost every tournament. You even DD’ed for us a few times. We appreciated it. We knew there weren’t many girls there, and that you had no interest in making friends with the ones who were there. But still, you came out to watch. Beer pong isn’t the most exciting spectator sport, but you stuck around until the finals. You even sat around when we stayed a little bit longer to play some cash games. It meant a lot to us when you tried to join in on the fun. You called your girlfriend up and you guys entered a tournament. You went 0-2, but you seemed to have fun or at least acted like you did. You haven’t played since. Still, we play. And you support us.

Remember that time we told you we couldn’t take off work to go on that vacation or do that thing with you? You understood and didn’t make a big deal of it. And then January 1st came around, and by some miracle we were able to get off work and fly to Vegas. You understood and didn’t hold a grudge. You may have even fell for it when we convinced you we were going to come home $50,000 richer. You believed us when we told you we had a real chance of winning. When we came home sick with empty pockets and pong flu, you said nothing. Still, we play. And you support us.

Remember that scene in ” The Shawshank Redemption” when Andy Dufresne first comes to prison? The inmates all tease him, call him a “fresh fish” and other names. They express sexual desires to him. Well, this is how most of the guys at the beer pong tournament look at you. You are like a piece of red meat thrown off the boat while the sharks circle. You’re a trooper though. We know it’s going to happen, but we still get mad when those guys mess with you. We end up getting in an argument over you. You break it up and get mad at us for causing a scene. Still, we play. And you support us.

It’s not easy dating a beer pong player, but thank you. You are appreciated.









beer-pong-playlist

What’s on your beer pong playlist?

It’s Day Three of the World Series of Beer Pong. The field is narrowing down, every shot is becoming more and more important. The DJ is spinning onstage and the music is shaking the entire ballroom. You’re watching the teams left in it play under the lights in the center of the room. Some of the guys are feeding off the energy, talking shit to the crowd and the other team. But there’s always that one guy, seemingly as calm as can be, standing at the table with his ear buds in.

I still don’t understand it, to be honest. For me, the greatest part about making Day 3 is feeding off the energy of the players or crowd as the field dwindles. Trash talk doesn’t really affect me, so it’s not like I need something to tune it out. I tend to like the music being played, and even if I don’t, anything sounds great with the alcohol in my system and the adrenaline flowing. I’ve never even tried to shoot with headphones on. I would guess that the wires would bother me too much.

So for the guys who are listening to the ear buds, I’m just curious why? Does it help your focus? Does it drown out the trash talk from your opponent or crowd? Is the music calming your nerves or getting you more amped up? Do you feel like you’re missing out on anything?

I’ve always wondered what you guys are listening to. Hip-hop? Rock? Country? At a World Series of Beer Pong a few years ago, I was curious what someone was listening to so I grabbed his iPod. I looked at the screen and Tool’s “Hooker With A Penis” was playing. Yes, apparently that is a real song and apparently that is what this particular player was listening to. This player may have also dressed up for the WSOBP as a female on several occasions. Not naming names. I’m sure there’s a joke in there somewhere.

So what makes a great beer pong playlist? At most of our major events, hip-hop tends to be the music of choice. Every now and again something like Carly Rae Jebsen’s undeniable “Call Me Maybe” will sweep in and captivate the beer pong community. For me, whenever Bubba Sparxx’s “Deliverance” comes on, I feel like I can’t miss. I’ve thought of playing with an iPod just so I can listen to that song on repeat all day.

What are some of your favorite songs to shoot to? Let’s build the greatest beer pong playlist ever.










best-players-in-region

Who are the best players in your region?

The first day of spring is only days away. Soon enough, birds will be chirping, the sun will come out, the flowers will bloom, but most importantly, beer pong season will go into full swing. With the year-long wait to the World Series of Beer Pong cut in half by this year’s $100,000 Masters of Beer Pong tournament, things are kicking into high gear even sooner this year.

Springtime beer pong wouldn’t be complete without the annual dramafest on the East Coast, otherwise known as the Beast of the East tournament. Nothing will change your opinion of a beer pong player quicker than seeing how petty, childish, ridiculous and egotistical some of us can be during the Beast of the East team selection process.

For those of you who don’t know, the Beast of the East was the first of the “Best of” tournaments, pitting the best players from each state or region against one another in the battle of world supremacy. While other parts of the United   States have adopted the format, the Beast of the East is the granddaddy of them all.

In a perfect world, each region picks its 10 best players and thus forms its “A” squad. A deep state or region likely has enough players for multiple teams, in a perfect world forming “B,” “C,” and “D” teams, etc. But in the simple game of beer pong, nothing is that easy.

So what’s the problem? I think, in a nutshell, everyone has gotten too good. In most places, there are probably a clear five or six guys that are head and shoulders above everyone else. Take my state, Maryland, for example. Austin, Jordan, Foster, Deryck, Moose and Mantis are, in my opinion, the top six players if we are referring to shooting ability and nothing else. The five or ten guys behind them are close, but not quite on their level. But on any given day, they can beat one of those top players.

So when the “selection committee” convenes and chooses the ten best players, what criteria do they use? Do they base their decision purely on 1-on-1 skill? Do they take into account performances in major tournaments and the final days of those tournaments? Do they base their decisions on who has the hot hand at the time of the tournament? There’s a lot to consider when choosing the 10 best players from a region and I’m not sure what the correct way is, if there is one.

The common sense thing to do would be for all players to “play in” to their respective teams. The problem with that, though, is if one of the “elite” players from your region has a rare off day and a Cinderella story knocks him out. Who do you want shooting the rebuttal shot of the big tournament? The guy who pulled the upset, or the guy who has made that big shot hundreds of times?

Not to mention, several of the “elite” players from around the country have yet to win a major, even when teaming up and forming “dream” teams.

Outside the sport of beer pong, the New York Yankees have only won one World Series since 2000. The Boston Red Sox haven’t won a World Series since 2007. In the NFL, between the two perennial offseason champion Dallas Cowboys and Washington Redskins, there have been zero Super Bowl titles since 1995. There are exceptions, but in most cases, the sports teams with the best players usually don’t win championships.

The most decorated beer pong of all team, Smashing Time, has two World Series of Beer Pong titles and the final table of another. Right or wrong, most players consider Michael “Pop” Popielarski the “better” player of the two, yet his teammate, Ron Hamilton, has more final table appearances than Pop, while arguably playing with “lesser” players. This doesn’t make any sense.

Does your head hurt yet? Mine does. Clearly, no one is discounting the fact that Ron can make shots. For the sake of argument, let’s say Pop is the better 1-on-1 player. But Ron is clearly bringing something else to the table in those tournaments, making him more successful. So who is the better player, the guy who everyone thinks is better or the guy who has the better resume?

So in picking 10 players, do you want to pick the 10 guys who will form the best teams, or strictly the 10 best players? And what do you use for your criteria as best?

How would you select a “10 best” from your region, or if you already have, how did you do it?










kill-bill

Who’s on your “Kill Bill” list?

Most serious beer pong players have, or have had, a “Kill Bill” list.

In the beginning of the “Kill Bill” movie trilogy, the lead character (played by Uma Thurman, so hot) wakes up from a coma to find the baby she was carrying gone. She creates a “death list” and crosses off each name as she gets revenge on those who betrayed here.

In beer pong, we have our own “Kill Bill” lists. There are always those players or teams you just can’t seem to beat. If you’re an emerging player and you have started to play your way deep into tournaments on a consistent basis, you’re likely to run into those guys you just can’t seem to beat. Maybe they are just very talented players, maybe they know how to get inside your head, or maybe they are already in your head. Maybe you just can’t stand that person so much that you psyche yourself out and prevent yourself from playing well. We’ve all been there.

I believe that confidence plays a huge role in the success of a beer pong player. But a lack of confidence can play an equal role in the failure of a player, too. It’s all part in paying your dues as a player. Most of us don’t have the natural ability to become elite players right off the bat. For most of us, it’s a lot of practice, a lot of tournament entries, and a lot of beer before we can compete with the big boys.

It’s frustrating to keep advancing deep into tournaments only to have the same old teams shoot you right back into the loser’s bracket. It’s deflating to lose to the same people time and time again. It’s the reason why a lot of people stop playing seriously after a few tournaments and, at the same time, the reason why a lot of people get so hooked on the game because they love the competition of it. When you face off against a team you don’t think you can beat, the other team knows they already won.

And when the day finally comes that you manage to cross that team off of your list, everything changes. You have the confidence that you can beat that opponent. The opponent, so used to normally beating you, will usually take you too lightly or have that element of doubt in their heads that wasn’t there before. After that, it’s on to the next one.

So who are some of the players or teams you just can’t seem to beat? Who would be on your list?










team-name

What’s in a beer pong team name?

“Hey, do you have a partner for the tournament on the 16th?”

“Not yet.”

“Wanna play?”

“Sure.”

“What should our team name be?”

We’ve all been a part of that conversation. One of the most fun things about beer pong doesn’t involve playing beer pong at all. It’s figuring out a team name. I’m not sure why it’s so important to us, but we all love coming up with team names for beer pong.

There’s an evolutionary period for beer pong players and team names. When we start playing, we think we are being so creative. We give ourselves names like “Wet Balls,” “Getting Our Balls Wet,” “We Sink U Drink,” “Two Balls One Cup,” “Nice Rack,” “Balls Deep,” etc. Or, we try and capitalize on whatever movie quote or pop culture meme is popular at the time. Then we show up to the tournament and find there are four teams with the same name as ours, and we find out we need to get more creative. Some players don’t put any emphasis on team names at all. There’s no worse feeling than losing to “Jesse + Bill” in a tournament.

There are several avenues to pursue when deciding on a team name. Sexual team names are always fun, but you need to be really creative to come up with something that hasn’t been done already.

Inside jokes always make for great team names. The only drawback, though, is that while you may think it’s the most hilarious thing ever, that puzzled reaction you receive when you tell someone you team name might make you reconsider.

If your partner has an interesting name or nickname, team names that play off that work as well. But some people don’t like letting the partner have all the credit in a team name. Then it’s back to the drawing board.

If all else fails, you can be one of those assholes that name their teams things like, “Table Four.” So when they call “Wet Balls vs. Table Four at Table Eight” you can confuse everyone. Dicks.

The best part of any beer pong tournament (besides winning, of course) is that first time your table is called and everyone hears your team name and laughs. At that point, you know all the hard work and brainstorming has paid off.

Of course, we all know that player who takes the team name a little too seriously. You may not care about the team name at all, but he or she keeps pestering you about it. Every day, it’s “We need to come up with a team name,” or “What should our team name be?” It’s almost like they care more about the team name than actually playing in the tournament. And when they come up with some awkward, terrible team name that you hate, you have to start brainstorming because you know that idiot can’t come up with anything.

So what makes a great team name? What are some of the best team names you’ve heard? And why do we care so much?

korean-elbow-rule

North Korea threatens nuclear attack over the elbow rule

Tensions between North Korea and the United States reached an all-time high last week, with reports that North Korea had threatened the United States with a nuclear attack on U.S. soil.

“Intercontinental ballistic missiles and various other missiles, which have already set their striking targets, are now armed with lighter, smaller and diversified nuclear warheads and are placed on a standby status,” said North Korean Army General Kang Pyo Yong at a rally in Pyongyang. “When we shell Washington, which is the stronghold of evils, they will be engulfed in a sea of fire.”

Although White House Spokesman Jay Carney dismissed the credibility of the threat, sources in the White House indicate that the Obama administration is well aware of the reasoning behind the threat: President Obama’s reported efforts to create a worldwide treaty barring the elbow rule in all levels of beer pong competition.

As one source close to the President, a self-proclaimed professional beer pong player, explained, “How can North Korea enforce an elbow rule, when they can’t even provide their citizens with electricity or running water? There’s no merit to this threat.”

The threat of nuclear holocaust comes on the heels of former NBA great and admitted cross-dresser Dennis Rodman’s recent trip to North Korea.

“Kim Jong Un is my boy, no doubt,” Rodman said. “I know he wants to work something out with Barack, but that fool is tripping if he thinks Barack gonna back off the elbow rule.”

President Barack Obama, who during his 2008 presidential campaign was very adamant against the establishment of a national elbow rule in the United States, was attending a jobs rally in Boulder, Colorado and could not be reached for comment. He did, however, release the following statement through his press secretary:

“As I stated in 2009, the elbow rule was, and still is, for pussies,” according to the written statement. “The only thing worse than being a communist is being a communist that plays with the elbow rule. Fuck all that.”

Even former GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney came to the defense of President Obama and the worldwide abolishment of the elbow rule.

“Barack and I disagreed on a lot during our campaign, and he’s still a lying son of a bitch, but he’s right about the elbow rule,” Romney said. “What these people in North Korea need are basic human rights: Food, water, shelter, not a damn elbow rule.”

In a state-issued news release, Kim Jung Un said the following:

“우리가 북한의 팔꿈치 규칙을 폐지하기 전에 우리는 미국을 공격합니다. 맥주 테이블은 테이블을 가로 질러 기대하고 이것은 맥주 테이블이라는 인치 공을 떨어 포함되지 덩크 테이블을 닫은하지 않는 기술의 게임이다.”

Loosely translated from Korean, the statement reads, “We will attack the United States before we abolish the elbow rule in North Korea. Beer pong is a game of skill, which doesn’t involve leaning halfway across the table and dropping the ball in. Elbows, man!”

This story is still developing.

In the meantime, buy a beer pong table, and see how far you can lean to show North Korea what’s up.








momentum

Winning with momentum

You just hit last cup and your opponent has four cups to rebuttal. You’re already thinking about how you’re going to spend that prize money. You and your partner are both relaxed. All smiles.

Your opponent makes the first rebuttal shot, leaving three on the table. You quickly re-rack and roll the ball back. No biggie, no way they hit three more, right?

They make the front cup on the three-rack and just like that, there’s two cups left. A feeling of uneasiness sets in, but you guys aren’t completely worried yet. The other team takes their time shooting at the two. Many players consider two side-by-side cups the hardest rack to hit in beer pong. Usually, it separates the pretenders from the contenders. You’ve been quiet for the last half of the game, but desperation is starting to sink in. You talk a little trash and maybe try a distraction to throw them off. No luck, they sink the left cup and there’s only one left.

The trash talking gets ramped up a little bit now. The crowd is into it, hoping they see overtime. If you’re one of those guys that like to throw cups and smash them and pour water over yourself, now’s the time to do it. All you need is one big miss. You take your time centering the cup and your opponent takes their time preparing to shoot. Everyone is yelling and you are a bit nervous. You thought this game was over a few minutes ago and now you’re helpless. They shoot.

Overtime.

A few moments later, your opponents are now spending that prize money you could have sworn was yours. You didn’t shoot terrible, but once they hit those four rebuttal shots, you didn’t stand a chance.

I don’t have any mathematical data to back up my theory, but in most cases, I believe the team that successfully sinks a series of rebuttal shots goes on to win the game. Momentum and confidence is everything in beer pong. Once you sink four, you know in the worst case, you can sink the three in overtime. Overtime becomes an exercise in jockeying for cup position. The team originally shooting the rebuttals becomes the aggressors, and once they sink the final cup first, it’s usually a losing proposition for the other team.

If you’ve been paying any attention to competitive beer pong, you’re most likely familiar with the finals of the World Series of Beer Pong III. Iron Wizard Coalition hit the final cup with four left for Chauffeuring the Fat Kid to rebuttal. The rest is history. Sorry Baker, I know you’re still haunted by this.

Obviously, there are exceptions to this, but I think in most cases the rebuttaling team uses that momentum to earn the victory. They put the other team back in the spot of making a big shot, and in many cases, once they sink the final cup and think victory is theirs, they lose that intensity needed to battle back in overtime. They get shook and it’s a helpless feeling when you see your opponent continually sink multiple rebuttal shots.

The same theory applies for the team that emerges from the loser’s bracket to earn a place in the finals. This team has already experienced adversity in the tournament. They’ve been playing more and are on a roll. The winner’s bracket finalist likely has been waiting a while to play, and if the loser’s bracket team can win the first game of the finals they normally go on to win the second.

Like in any sport, it’s the “hottest” team, not the “best” team, that usually takes home the trophy.










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What’s in your cup?

Beer pong players are resourceful. You wouldn’t think so by looking at a group of beer pong players at first glance, but when the idea of playing beer pong comes up, us degenerates turn into MacGyver. We can turn almost anything into a beer pong table. No cups or balls? No problem, we’ll figure something out.

But what about what we put into our cups? This is a trickier situation. I’ve never met a beer pong player who was extremely picky about what kind of beer they put in their cups. Obviously, light beer is preferred for most people. Coors Light, Bud Lite, Miller Lite, Natty Lite, Beast Lite, etc. For a lot of us, whichever is cheaper is the best beer to play with.

But playing with the wrong beer can sometimes become a disaster. Some beer is meant for drinking and enjoying, and some beer is made to be pounded in games of beer pong, flip cup, cards, or whatever crazy drinking game you’re playing.

I always think about playing beer pong with the wrong beer every year around St. Patrick’s Day.  A few years ago, I spent St. Patrick’s Day at a bar that had an awesome special: $20 all-you-can-drink Car Bombs and Guinness. That’s impossible to turn down, right? Maybe pre-gaming all morning wasn’t the best way to prepare for it.

As the day went on, someone had the amazing idea to fill the cups on the beer pong table at the bar with Car Bombs. Most of us kind of forget how we used to play “house party” beer pong, when you had to drink before you shoot and making or missing cups meant a lot more. Needless to say, I didn’t play that well and drank way too many Car Bombs. I went to Ireland later that summer and visited the Guinness factory, and the taste still kind of turned my stomach. Years later, I’m only now able to drink it again.

One summer, we ran out of beer and only had Yuengling in the fridge. For those of you on the West Coast, Yuengling is a little darker and heavier than your typical light beer. Before that night, Yuengling was my favorite beer. After a night playing beer pong with it, I could barely stand it.

One of my beer pong pet peeves is when people play with drinks other than beer in the cups. You’ve got girls pouring in Smirnoff, cranberry vodkas, etc. into the cups. Once those people leave the table and you get stuck drinking beer out of those cups, it’s disgusting.

What are some of the worst drinks you ever played “beer pong” with?










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True Life: “I Play Competitive Beer Pong”

Do you try and keep your “real life” separate from your “beer pong” life?

A lot of us try to separate our “beer pong lives” with our real lives. I’ve been asked by people not to use their real names in blogs and articles, because they didn’t want their employers or clients to Google their names and find some less than desirable videos or things written about them. I totally understand that. Some of the things done or said in the heat of the moment on the beer pong table are best not publicized.

For the most part, I’ve always been pretty open about my beer pong hobby. I’m not ashamed of it. I think it’s funny and interesting. The first time I told co-workers years ago that I had won a beer pong tournament I thought they would laugh or judge me. Instead, they seemed fascinated and wanted to come out and watch or play in the next one.

Or, if they kind of laughed at me, they saw the money I made in cash games the night before and suddenly my “hobby” became more credible. Back when I was a better player and played more, beer pong was more lucrative for me. Now, I settle for bar tabs for winning tournaments, but there are many of you that make a decent living solely off beer pong.

One of my favorite parts of being a part of the beer pong community is watching the expressions of casual spectators when they see it in person for the first time. When we’re in Las Vegas for the World Series of Beer Pong, people can spot us from a mile away. They assume we are just there to get drunk and rowdy. Have you ever been in the elevator on your way to the ballroom, and some old lady asks you about the beer pong tournament and the prize money? They kind of laugh at you until you tell them you’re playing for $50,000.

I love the reactions of people who walk into whichever bar or restaurant we’re holding our local tournaments at. At first, they wonder what the hell they got themselves into. But then they stick around after they eat or drink and seem genuinely captivated by what they are watching.

Once, during a league night, my partner and I were playing during a league night and saw a group of older women watching our game. We could tell they were interested, and after a few minutes they came up to us with a question about our game.

She asked us, “Do you have to eat the hard-boiled egg after you make it in the cup?”

This woman thought we were throwing hard-boiled eggs into cups of beer. I can’t make this stuff up.

Have you had any crazy reactions from people about your beer pong hobby?










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Tell Your Story to BPONG!

Are you tired of reading about the same old beer pong players all the time?

Would you like to be profiled on the BPONG.com website?

Are you a rookie training for the Masters of Beer Pong $100,000 Tournament or the World Series of Beer Pong that’s going to shock the world?

Do you have an amazing beer pong story you have to share?

Well, BPONG would love to tell your story!

If you’re interested, please comment below with your name and someone from BPONG will contact you shortly!

Happy Pongin’ this weekend!










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Since U Been Gone

Seeing your pong partner play with someone else is worse than your girlfriend cheating on you.

Isn’t it though?

On all levels of beer pong, it sucks when your partner leaves you for someone else. Sometimes, it’s a matter of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. In other cases, you’re getting dropped for a better player.

Remember that time you were running the beer pong table at some house party, left the table to go to the bathroom, came back and found your partner playing with someone else? Couldn’t they have just waited a few minutes? You’ve got to go scrambling to find someone to call next with. Or there’s some girl or guy begging to get on the table and your partner just can’t resist. But at the end of the day, it’s just a house party so it’s not the biggest deal in the world.

Losing a partner in the competitive beer pong world stings a little worse. It’s easy to simplify the simple game of beer pong and completely dismiss the idea of a serious partner, but make no mistake, the best beer pong partnerships are true relationships. Chances are that you aren’t going to win the Masters of Beer Pong tournament with some guy you picked up off the street. Well, unless your name is Ross Hampton.

In the course of a full year, you are probably spending as much time with your pong partner than your significant other. That’s kind of a scary thought. And beer pong relationships are significantly different than intimate ones. When you are playing for high stakes, with alcohol involved, things will get heated. You’re going to get slapped, spit on, punched, or all three in the course of one tournament (thanks Mantis). It’s just the way it is. But when the coin gets flipped for the next round, it’s all love again and you start fresh.

Sometimes, the most dysfunctional partners make the best teams. Look at Michael “Pop” Popielarski and Ron Hamilton. Their team, “Smashing Time,” won back-to-back WSOBP titles, took a break, and came back to make the final table at World Series of Beer Pong VIII a few years later. Lock them in a room together they are likely to kill each other.

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Like a bad relationship, you complain about your beer pong partner all the time, but when they finally leave you, you want them back. You forget about that time you misrepresented your shooting percentage while throwing them under the bus, or the time you passed off that last rebuttal because everyone was watching and you didn’t want to be the one that missed. Like looking for a new job, you start putting out applications before you give your two-weeks notice. No one has dropped a solid beer pong partner without having a back-up plan.

Eventually, the time comes when a partnership has reached its end. Sometimes it’s mutual, but in a lot of cases it’s not. Then what?

I’m sure everyone is different, but for me personally, I want to bury my ex-partner. You want to measure your success against his (or hers). You want to advance further than them, shoot better than them, and appear that you are having more fun than them. Yeah, you may be “happy” for them if they win the $100,000 prize, but would you really be? Maybe you’re a better man than me, but I don’t know if I really would be.

I’m going to make a broad generalization here, but competitive beer pong is a “catty” sport. Let’s face it, most of us who play seriously are guys. Most of us weren’t involved in the day-to-day high school drama most girls went through growing up. But the way some of us talk about our beer pong partners, you’d think we were women in a salon.

And we hate seeing our exes with someone new.










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Become Beer Pong’s Joe Flacco

Chances are, if you are alive and breathing right now, you probably watched a few minutes of this year’s Super Bowl. In case you missed it, the Baltimore Ravens beat the San Francisco 49ers, 34-31.

The MVP of the Super Bowl was none other than the embattled Ravens Quarterback Joe Flacco, one of the most polarizing sports figures in Baltimore history. Flacco had a record-tying postseason, throwing 11 touchdowns to zero interceptions, tying the great Joe Montana. Flacco followed up that performance this week by signing a $120.6 contract extension, the richest in NFL history.

Most people will say he doesn’t deserve it. They will look at his regular season stats and fantasy projections and dismiss him as average or above-average. He’s got a unibrow and is awkward and goofy on camera. He is usually quiet and reserved.

All he does is win games.

I’m about to take the “is beer pong a sport” to a whole new level. But at the end of the day, being a great quarterback is a lot like being a great beer pong player.

Bring up the topic of rankings and you will get a vicious debate no matter what the subject. What’s the best album? What’s the best movie? What’s the best food? Who’s the best quarterback? And my favorite: Who’s the best beer pong player?

Let’s take a look at some of the things that make a beer pong player (and quarterback) great:

 

  1. Talent

A pong player has to have some kind of talent. Some people are naturals and need little to no practice at all. Some need to work harder at it, but with a certain amount of practice can shoot just as consistently as others. In comparison, a quarterback in the NFL needs to have the ability as well. Quickness, arm strength, quick decision making, etc.

 

  1. Stats

Too many players are judged solely on stats. Sure, stats are important, but they aren’t the most important. On Day 3 of the World Series of Beer Pong, your 12 satellite victories don’t matter. In the NFL, your regular season passing records don’t matter. The most important stat is wins, not your shooting percentage.

 

  1. Chemistry

On the football field, the quarterback needs to have chemistry with his offensive teammates. The offensive line needs to be in sync, the receivers need to be on the same page, and the running back needs to get involved. Knowing where and when to throw the ball is the same as knowing when to take the third shot and who takes the rebuttal. A great player speaks up for the shot when he’s feeling it, and knows when to pass it off when he’s not.

 

  1. Focus

A great beer pong player can silence his opponent by staying focused on his shot. Trash talk and distractions rarely affect top players. In the NFL, a great quarterback drowns out the 12th man.

 

  1. Character

Great beer pong players and great quarterback have all the intangibles. The great ones know how to step it up for big shots and in big tournaments, just like a great quarterback knows how to win the game with two minutes left and the length of the field to drive. Great players feed off the intensity of the crowd and the magnitude of the game. Great players don’t throw their partners under the bus after poor shooting, or place the blame on the wide receiver that dropped the big pass.

 

Is there a magic formula that makes a great beer pong player? No. For now, the big money in beer pong comes from playing with someone else. No one is writing checks for $50,000 or $100,000 for singles players. You need a teammate and you need to play like a team. The two most talented players don’t win every time. Teams with character win championships and go far into tournaments. Beer pong is more than how many hundos you shot.

Has Joe Flacco ever played beer pong? I’m not sure, but I bet he’d be pretty damn good.










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Beer Pong Brawl Leads to Pope’s Resignation

The religious world was shocked weeks ago with the retirement announcement of Pope Benedict XVI. With Pope Benedict’s resignation effective as of last week, details are slowly emerging regarding his unlikely reasoning for stepping down.

Pope Benedict, the 265th pope, announced his retirement on February 11, 2013, ending his almost eight-year run as the leader of the Catholic Church. Born Joseph Aloisius Ratzinger in 1927, the 85-year-old cited a “lack of strength and body” for his decision to abdicate. Sources close to Pope Benedict, however, paint a different picture.

“Everyone thinks we are all so uptight and straight edge in the church,” said one cardinal, who requested to remain anonymous, “but we all have our things. The Pope’s is beer pong. He can’t get enough of it.”

According to the source, things became heated at a recent Vatican City charity tournament. Pope Benedict, known in religious circles for his fierce competitiveness, attacked his opponent after an incident in the loser’s bracket final tournament match. After hitting the final cup and repeatedly yelling “centum” (“hundo” in Latin) at his opponent, the retiring pope was pushed from behind by an unnamed bishop, causing a brawl and cancelling the remainder of the tournament.

“Pope Benedict is doing well and is currently enjoying his remaining years at the Mater Ecclesiae monastery,” said Vatican spokesman, the Rev. Federico Lombardi, declining to comment further.

One of the leading candidates to succeed Pope Benedict, Canadian Cardinal Marc Ouellet, described Pope Benedict as a heavy-drinker with a mean streak.

“When he first took over in 2005, everyone wanted to play with him. I mean, why not, he’s the fucking Pope!” said Ouellet. “But he was always so cocky, threatening to send people to hell if they beat him. It got old quick. Once he changed Pope John Paul II’s old house rules, people started counting down the days until he was out of here.

Pope Benedict XVI, who was reached while vacationing in his native Germany, seemed eager to move on.

“Good riddance, I couldn’t wait to get out of there,” Pope Benedict said. “There is some weird shit that goes on inside, you don’t even want to know.”

Despite being in the twilight years of his accomplished life, Pope Benedict shows no signs of slowing down.

“I’m thinking of flying out to Vegas for that $100,000 tournament this summer,” the pope said. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to get a cash game around here with this hat and robe on all time?”

Attempts to reach God for comment were unsuccessful, although he does answer in mysterious ways.










nice-rack

Nice Rack: Beer Pong’s Most Famous Boobs

Once upon a time, many years ago, a beautiful young woman decided to pursue a modeling career. After all, you can only post so many Facebook, Instagram, or MySpace photos if you want to be taken seriously. Every model needs a real portfolio.

So this beautiful young model responded to some kind of ad and landed her first photo shoot. She was excited. This would be her stepping stone to Hollywood. Before long, she would be starring in blockbuster movies and gracing the covers of Victoria’s Secret and the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Or at least, so she thought.

Instead, this beautiful young model became an internet sensation. She may have singlehandedly fueled the beer pong sensation which has culminated in the upcoming $100,000 Masters of Beer Pong™ tournament. And sadly, no one knows who she is.

Today, I wanted to salute this woman with no face. I wanted to salute the woman who brought us two of the most cliché beer pong team names of all time: “Nice Rack” and “Get Your Balls Wet,” and countless variations of the two. In honor of her, I would like to review her growing online portfolio.

 

For starters, let’s see where it all began:

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I think we can all agree with the slogan on her shirt. The “Get Your Balls Wet” is a classy touch, and you have to be impressed with the hindsight of whoever designed this poster. Beer pong racks wouldn’t become popular until years later.

 

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Luby’s could have done a much better job with our model’s work. While at least they had the decency to include the complete original design, this is one of the more terrible beer pong fliers you’ll see. But who doesn’t want to win house cash?

 

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I’ve had some fun times at McFadden’s in Philadelphia, but they lose points here for a lack of creativity. Not only do they cut off the bottom, but they replace the logos on the ball with their own. At least it’s a “real-life tourney,” as opposed to a fictional tourney, like “King of the Cups.”

 

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The fine folks at CV Sports Bar know what they are doing. A simple grasp of basic Photoshop skills allow them to remove all traces of the original work. In addition to making the flier look more original, the removal of the logo across the chest highlights our model’s nipples. Well done.

 

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Glo Bar didn’t even try here. Two DJs on a Tuesday night, but a terrible beer pong flier.

 

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When you think of America, you think of beer pong, boobs and beer. These kinds of things are universal. Judging by the web address, people in Bulgaria have the same interests. I don’t speak Bulgarian, but I’m assuming this says “Get Your Balls Wet.”

 

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Oh my, our model now has a black top. This is a good look for her, I think. Free beer for tournament players and ladies running the bar? Good job, bar One.

 

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Sink it – Drink it. That’s catchy. Someone should use that in a team name or something. There are a few things going on here. Apparently, our model now has exposure in China. So congrats to her for that. According to the flier, every Wednesday night is Men’s Night, but why is it 80 yen for guys and 60 yen for girls? Something doesn’t quite add up.

 

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Our Bulgarian friends are back. There’s more stuff on here I can’t read, but I’m guessing it says “Get Your Balls Wet” and “We Don’t Pull Out But Our Couches Do” or something like that.

 

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Jillian’s requires you to be 21 to enter this tournament, however a high school education is not necessary. The winner “recieves” a cash prize, which is way worse than receiving one. “I” before “E” except after “C,” come on.

 

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Stripper Bar can’t be bothered to create a higher quality image, but even low-resolution photos can’t keep our model from shining. Stripper Bar sounds like a solid venue for a tournament, too.

 

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I wonder who won this trip to Lake Tahoe. I’d love to go sometime. Also, the answer to the future trivia question of “When was ‘THE FIRST EVER’ Beer Pong Tournament?” is November 15, 2007.

 

boobs13

Our model is back in China, celebrating Halloween. I didn’t know they celebrated Halloween in China. The Snake Pit changed the logos on the balls, but our model would have looked pretty good with the bat symbol across her chest.

 

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You have to love txbpong.com, which no longer appears to be in business. By offering the same $20 per team cash prize to 1st, 2nd and 3rd place, it’s no wonder they went out of business.

 

Sure, our model may have lost that “Nice Rack” by now. And sure, we may never know who she is or what she looked like. But her boobs are sure to live on and inspire a new generation of beer pong players.

The End.










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Beer pong, pool parties and $100,000? Yes please.

I’ve been to Las Vegas almost a dozen times now. More than half of those times I’ve made that trek it has been to attend the World Series of Beer Pong. Don’t get me wrong, it’s always a great time. As the December days pass and New Year’s Day approaches, I get more and more excited for five days of heartache and punishing my body.

Las Vegas is, at least to me, starting to lose a little bit of its luster. This may be more common for West Coast players or those in or near Vegas, but unheard of for most East Coast residents. I usually look at the WSOBP as a business trip. I know I will have fun, but I also know it’s going to be all about beer pong, all of the time. I still have that mindset even though I know I have only the slightest chances of winning. For the elite guys who are expecting to legitimately win, it’s probably even worse. I used to tell my fellow players considering trips out there not to bring their girlfriends. There just isn’t much time to be a “tourist” in Vegas. If you still have energy at the end of Day 1, you’re doing it wrong. Or you’re just a lot younger than I am.

I’ve never been to Las Vegas in the summertime. I’m almost always there in the winter, or early in the spring. If I do manage to leave the casino and walk the strip, it’s usually cold as shit outside. I see the pictures of Las Vegas online with the pool bars and girls in bikinis, and I think to myself, why can’t they have the World Series of Beer Pong in July? Flights are cheaper, the weather is nicer, and a lot of us have vacation time to spare.

Well, BPONG did us one better with the first ever Masters of Beer Pong™ tournament. You can’t even be disappointed that they are not offering the same prize pool as the World Series of Beer Pong since they just went ahead and bumped it up to a cool $100,000. Not to mention, the whole thing is taking place at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino. Not a bad way to spend the Fourth of July, huh?

Years back, there was a Summer Beer Pong Cup that was held in Negril, Jamaica for two glorious years. Due to a variety of reasons that I am not at liberty to discuss, the event was cancelled after its second year. I only went that second year, but it was some of the most fun I ever had playing beer pong, and the beer pong was the smallest part of what made it a great time. I was really hoping BPONG would do something like this somewhere down the line.

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While all the week’s events have yet to be announced, from the sounds of things it sounds like it’s going to be an awesome time. Since we all have to put up with guys like Ron Hamilton taking their shirts off, why not have it be poolside in Vegas? See you guys in July!

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