Author Archives: bpong

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Dominate Beer Pong with Halloween Boobs: The Art of Distraction

Let’s learn something from bird flocks, sports teams, and street gangs: Uniformity means sticking together.
Additionally, you looking like a damn fool serves as a great distraction for your opposing beer pong team. Let us explain.

We all know the art of distraction within a high-pressure beer pong game is a team trait that could serve as the straw that breaks your opponents’ backs. The higher your beer pong level gets, the more complex your distraction tactics must be. Save the waving of the hands over cups while your opponents toss for the amateur basement parties.

Another component of beer pong, most sensible for higher level players, involves that of camaraderie. Feeling supported by your fellow players and having them feel supported by you is the basis of family, and family is what you should feel like to truly excel. We’ve seen it before. High-stake tournaments where skill levels are ridiculous, and one negative emotional rift between teammates gives the whole game to the opposing, positively encouraging team. Wah wah.

In our attempts to improve your beer pong game in every way, our researchers at BPONG.COM believe costumes take these concepts to the next level. Without having to say a word to your opponent, your silly and maybe-even-obnoxious costumes will speak volumes. Imagine this: your team is in The World Series of Beer Pong finals. The glittery Las Vegas energy is coursing through the veins of every WSOBP attendant while the tension rises rapidly. Either you or your opponents will be going home with $50,000. The other team got matching shirts made. Is that a team logo I see? That’s legit. Somewhat intimidating even. What did you do to keep up? Simple.

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Your girlfriends broke out their hot glue guns and you bought yards of felt and stuffing. After crafting the most beautifully symmetrical nipples as cherries on top, you are ready to go as the most infamous pair in history – boobs. Your eyes don’t leave your opponents’ tossing hands. You only smirk when you’ve made a shot. Your game is fierce, but your costume yells, WE ARE FUN AS HELL. The crowd giggles and cheers as you waddle around, making cup after cup, serving as an active thorn in the side of your opponents. Every shot you make hits them a little harder, because, after all, they’re getting whooped by a pair of titties, for lack of a better word. There is no better word.

What better time to start considering costumes than Halloween time? The World Series of Beer Pong is two months away, and as you know, Halloween is this week. Savvy BPONGers: Choose your Halloween costume wisely so it can double as your game-changing World Series of Beer Pong distraction tool. Chicks love savvy dudes.

 

 

"Black people don't play beer pong."

Black People and Beer Pong

Hey there, Mr. Barkley.

I hope you’re doing well. Rumor has it that a few weeks back, you told TMZ that “black people don’t play beer pong.” When informed by the TMZ reporter that Michael Jordan had just been photographed playing, you responded by adding “You think they got beer pong in the hood?”

Sigh. Let’s take it from the top, Chuckles.

I’m fairly certain Mr. Jordan doesn’t do much of anything “in the hood” unless you’re referring to his brand of footwear or his newest stripper girlfriend. Next, are you saying that all black people live in the hood? If so, that’s very stupid and very racist.

Just because many white people are good at golf and you’re not is no reason to get salty. Too personal? My bad. To be honest, I agree with you somewhat. Not that black people don’t play pong, but rather that YOU would be bad at it.

Don’t get me wrong. You do possess some behaviors that have been the hallmarks of some notorious pong players. You’re a compulsive gambler who likes to put tremendous amounts of money on terrible bets, similar to volunteering for cash games against Ross Hampton. You also like to drink a lot of alcohol and embarrass yourself. You got that .BAC up to .149 son! Even the cops pulling you over were impressed.

I don’t recall you hitting much of anything from a range of eight feet in your whole career, unless you count foul shots, which no one should.

Alright I lied. You were pretty good from the perimeter in your day. And the lack of any need for cardio in our sport would probably help you tremendously. But Chuckles, you are old. And irrelevant. The last time you were in college (the early 1980s) you were probably too busy getting “lunch money” from SEC boosters and drawling “War Eagle” to pay attention to the parties thrown by the little people where pong was prevalent.

Here’s the problem, Mr. Barkley. You are no more aware of what young people do these days than Martha Stewart, unless she learned how to cornrow and Snapchat when she was in the clink. That includes young black people. How dare you make a blanket statement about any race without one damn clue about what you’re talking about? Do the world a favor and shut the hell up, unless you’re drunk as usual commenting on a TNT basketball game (young people love that channel, it’s right up there with the Hallmark network).

Bottom line, black people do play beer pong. So do half black people. So do people who date black people. Your argument is flawed. Instead of defining what black people should not do, you should be encouraging their capabilities in all areas. Including beer pong. Your comments suggest a person’s “blackness” is taken away by doing something white people do. I don’t know if you recall, Sir Charles, but the very game that provided you with your fortune was once a majority, if not an all-white sport. How many people said the same things about black people and basketball back then? Just sayin’.

I understand that you were probably just speaking out of an ignorance of the beer pong world. Don’t worry, our community is inclusive and we are very tolerant. We’d love to extend an official invitation for you to come to Vegas and play in WSOBP IX (on us) so that we can show you what the game is really about as well as the diversity of the players within it. Mr. Barkley, the proverbial olive branch has been extended. Hopefully you’ll take us up on it. Maybe you can team up with Ryan Cabrera since he’s already registered?

And before anyone even thinks to question this article, rest assured it was written by a black beer ponger, with bonus points added for being a chick too.

World Series of Beer Pong IX Anticipation

Anticipation

Can you feel it? Are you ready? In less than seven weeks, hundreds of teams will descend upon Vegas, many with hangovers from the revelry of the night before. Right now, everyone has that tingle. Everyone is undefeated. Everyone can dream of that glorious moment when Billy shakes you and your partner’s hand and presents you with a giant check. Whether it’s your first World Series or your ninth, those butterflies are in your stomach and you can’t wait to find out what the pong gods will bring your way on January 1st.

But hold up. Do you really think you’re going to win WSOBP 9? The answer might very well be a “HELL YEAH!” The answer you’d give could also be “Of course not.” That’s the point. This game is for the so-called “pros” that travel across the country routinely to compete. This game is also for the husband and wife who are at the WSOBP as part of their New Year’s vacation. Or for the friends who haven’t seen each other in a while but used to run the plywood tables together in college. This game is for everyone. The enjoyment that is provided by the game we all love is evident in both victory and defeat. We’re all lucky to be able to experience it, especially on as grand a scale as the World Series of Beer Pong.

It’s true, however, that the only constant is change. This year, while the Center of the Beer Pong Universe will once again have a latitude and longitude that leads you to the familiar Flamingo Hotel, some things will be different. No beer in the cups this year. It’s a logistical nightmare, and takes way too much time and coordination by WSOBP staff. Time better served to make sure that dude mean mugging you doesn’t cross the plane while you’re shooting, or move past his side of the table to get in your face.

We’ve compiled a general list of reasons why we have decided to forego beer in the cups this year.

1. Eventual TV rights.
2. Liability/over consumption of alcohol.
3. Pong Flu/health concerns.
4. Consistency – many major and weekly tournaments use water only.
5. Drink of choice – as opposed to a flat, indistinguishable product.

You may not see all the events you’re used to this year. You may see new ones you’ll come to love just as much, if not more.

All we ask is that you remain patient as we try to create the best experience possible while not over-extending the company’s future growth potential. Television deals, major cross promotion agreements, and bigger and better events are all within reach. We need our foundation to be rock solid as those next great steps are taken.

Organizers throughout the country have seriously stepped up. We have Skype tournaments, local satellite events and a multitude of weekly tournaments that continue to bring new players into the beer pong community. We’re encouraged by the continued growth of pong in new areas, and the veterans who are willing to provide guidance to the others willing to be tournament organizers. New initiatives like BPONG’s tournament software and national program structure will make it much easier for brackets to be run well, and run quickly.

Before you arrive in Vegas this year, take a minute to reflect on the work so many did before you (or with you) that has enabled a record ninth World Series of Beer Pong. It’s a significant achievement that can and should be appreciated by all. It’s up to every one of us to keep the game going. As a community, we want a 10th WSOBP and many more after that.