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How many 5 year-olds…..

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This topic contains 45 replies, has 20 voices, and was last updated by clawless clawless 8 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #39446

    This question was proposed in a poker forum that i post at and I wanna know your thoughts. I’m just going to copy/paste…

    Good drunken debate from a few nights ago.

    The question: How many 5 year-olds could you take on at once?

    The specifics:

    - You are in an enclosed area, roughly the size of a basketball court. There are no foreign objects.
    - You are not allowed to touch a wall.
    - When you are knocked unconscious, you lose. When they are all knocked unconscious, they lose. Once a kid is knocked unconscious, that kid is “out.”
    - I (or someone else intent on seeing to it you fail) get to choose the kids from a pool that is twice the size of your magic number. The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernable abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy Americans.
    - The kids receive one day of training from hand-to-hand combat experts who will train them specifically to team up to take down one adult. You will receive one hour of “counter-tactics” training.
    - There is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.
    * The kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.

    so… what’s your number?

    #39447

    dwissbrun2
    Member

    wow… though somewhat an amusing idea, this really doesn’t belong on bpong.com

    how do you expect to get sponsors and TV time when people visit this site and see hypothetical situations involving violence against children?

    please delete

    #39448

    this is hypothetical dude. its not all about fighting 5-year olds. its about knowing your capabilities and being realistic. this was on the biggest and most respected poker forum in the world and had 2k+ posts. i tried to find an off-topic sub-forum but there wasnt one.

    just trying to have conversation brah

    #39449
    clawless
    clawless
    Member

    Was this originally on 2+2? I’m trying to find the original debate and can’t find it. Link please!

    #39450

    Was this originally on 2+2? I’m trying to find the original debate and can’t find it. Link please!

    yes sir!

    http://archives1.twoplustwo.com/showflat.php?Cat=0&Number=1556673&page=0&fpart=all&vc=1

    a true classic

    #39451

    stein
    Member

    Ok, here are my thoughts. Even with the hand to hand combat training they will receive, they lack the physical strength and mental development to use it effectively. Then I have to factor in my own fatigue. Chances are it will take one clean shot to each one to knock them out. With no rest, how many punches or kicks can I throw?

    The next problem that I would face would be the zombie swarm effect. I think we can all compare a 5 year old to a zombie. Their walking still is not perfect, they’re not as smart as we are, and they like to bite. This becomes a problem when you are not quick enough to eliminate targets faster than they come at you. This will reduce your chance of a knockout blow exponentially. With the first 5 year old hanging on your chance at a knockout shot is reduced by 10 %, and grows by 10 % for every additional clinger. This is where the size of the area you are fighting in is important.

    With a basketball court sized area, you have to choose a number that will allow you to avoid groups of 5 year olds so that you do not get cornered. You cannot touch a wall, so reduce that space by a couple feet on each side so that you know that you are clear. Remember jumping over 5 year olds is a definite possibility, so factor that in to.

    With all of this said, I am thinking my number is probably around 50. This is difficult to pin point though. At some point it will reach too many 5 year old and you will not be able to defeat any more. Up until that point though, you would be able to keep adding another to a mix. I have not done all of the math, so it basically turns out to be how many 5 year olds will fit in a basketball area and still leave me room so I do not get zombie swarmed.

    Anyone else have a number? Is this number too high or too low?

    #39452

    pauls
    Member

    I think 50 is definitely reasonable. As long as you can avoid getting any clingers in the beginning you could get a nice surround of bodies on the ground around you. The bodies would make it harder for them to surprise you from all sides at once, you could easily one-shot them while they are climbing over their fallen allies. Reach, speed, and coordination advantages would be so big, it mostly just becomes a question of stamina after surviving the first wave. I don’t see 5 years olds getting much out of one day of training, they won’t learn strategy very fast at that age.

    #39453

    Ok, here are my thoughts. Even with the hand to hand combat training they will receive, they lack the physical strength and mental development to use it effectively. Then I have to factor in my own fatigue. Chances are it will take one clean shot to each one to knock them out. With no rest, how many punches or kicks can I throw?

    The next problem that I would face would be the zombie swarm effect. I think we can all compare a 5 year old to a zombie. Their walking still is not perfect, they’re not as smart as we are, and they like to bite. This becomes a problem when you are not quick enough to eliminate targets faster than they come at you. This will reduce your chance of a knockout blow exponentially. With the first 5 year old hanging on your chance at a knockout shot is reduced by 10 %, and grows by 10 % for every additional clinger. This is where the size of the area you are fighting in is important.

    With a basketball court sized area, you have to choose a number that will allow you to avoid groups of 5 year olds so that you do not get cornered. You cannot touch a wall, so reduce that space by a couple feet on each side so that you know that you are clear. Remember jumping over 5 year olds is a definite possibility, so factor that in to.

    With all of this said, I am thinking my number is probably around 50. This is difficult to pin point though. At some point it will reach too many 5 year old and you will not be able to defeat any more. Up until that point though, you would be able to keep adding another to a mix. I have not done all of the math, so it basically turns out to be how many 5 year olds will fit in a basketball area and still leave me room so I do not get zombie swarmed.

    Anyone else have a number? Is this number too high or too low?

    excellent post. this what i wanted– an in depth analysis. as for my number, i could def take on 30, but 40 to 50 is pushing it. i think i would get too tired.

    being able to stand on your feet for the longest time is a huge factor though. as soon as you fall down, you’re done

    #39454

    I think 50 is definitely reasonable. As long as you can avoid getting any clingers in the beginning you could get a nice surround of bodies on the ground around you. The bodies would make it harder for them to surprise you from all sides at once, you could easily one-shot them while they are climbing over their fallen allies. Reach, speed, and coordination advantages would be so big, it mostly just becomes a question of stamina after surviving the first wave. I don’t see 5 years olds getting much out of one day of training, they won’t learn strategy very fast at that age.

    Very interesting.. I never included the fallen bodies as an obstacle for the 5-year olds before. Very good point

    #39455

    dr. ironrute
    Member

    the trick would be grabbing one by the ankles and using them as a small mutant clubbing device. You could wipe out like 10 at once that way.

    I may have missed it, but are these kids coming at me one at a time in increments or do, like 40 kids come swarming out at once. If i got time between, 40 or 50 is very doable, but if they all come at once, you’re gonna get swarmed and be lucky to knock out 20 before they just maul you like small uncoordinated wobbly chimps.

    #39456

    jeffbarnes
    Member

    the trick would be grabbing one by the ankles and using them as a small mutant clubbing device. You could wipe out like 10 at once that way.

    This is exactly how I would approach this scenario.

    I would imagine I could take on a full half-court of children. I’m guessing that this would fit about 100-125 kids. It seems like a lot, but you have to think the most that will ever attack you at once will be 5-6 kids. The rest of the mob will be stuck behind everyone else and won’t be a factor. In fact, depending on the severity of their attack, a few may drop due to friendly fire.

    #39457

    pauls
    Member

    the trick would be grabbing one by the ankles and using them as a small mutant clubbing device. You could wipe out like 10 at once that way.

    I think that this would take too much energy, and it would throw off my balance and be inaccurate. First you would need to knock one out, then take the time to pick it up, giving others an opening to attack. Also, swinging it would knock them down and to the ground, but not out cold most of the time. I weigh less than 150, and my cardio is less than spectacular so I imagine it would be more effective for someone bigger than me, but still not very effective. I think the easiest way to knock them out would be one punch to the head, or a a kick to their chest with the bottom of my foot.

    I may have missed it, but are these kids coming at me one at a time in increments or do, like 40 kids come swarming out at once.

    Even if they did come all at once, like barnes said only 5-6 would be a threat at a time because they can’t all fit in a small circle around you. And like is said before, the more you knock out in the area around you, the more obstacles they others need to take to get to you. This not only gives you time in between attacks, but also slows down the speed that they run at you.

    #39458

    Yeah trying to lift one kid and use him as a weapon would take waaaay to much energy for myself. That energy would be better spent on punches and kicks.

    I think the number is a lot lower than people think.

    #39459

    dently
    Member

    82…..they cant punch me in the balls b/c of the cup or the face b/c they are too short…….i would go pat swayze from roadhouse and start kicking the shit out of the midgets…….championship

    -mcandrew

    #39460

    cjazel
    Member

    I’m assuming they were taught by the grandpa from the movie 3 ninja, so he will almost certainly teach them the "light up the eyes" technique.

    Because I know the strategy they’re going to use to try and defeat me I can now opt out of my defensive training and work solely on stamina. I’m gonna put my magic # at 75.

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