NEW YORK — If Michael “Pop” Popielarski and Ron Hamilton repeat as World Series of Beer Pong champions, it will be not be as a team. After months of rumors and speculation, the defending world champion Smashing Time has officially called it quits.
The stunning development became official this evening when Smashing Time disappeared on the list of registered World Series of Beer Pong V teams and was replaced by “New & Improved” which lists Popielarski and Jason Chichester as partners.
“This is the most controversial move in the history of our sport,” said Chris Baker of the Iron Wizard Coalition, who has played many times against the legendary team. Baker is no stranger to controversy himself after allegedly attempting to swindle tens of beer pong enthusiasts in a failed t-shirt venture earlier this week.
Rumors first began circulating before last year’s World Series of Beer Pong that there was inner turmoil between the two elite players. Despite winning more than $75,000 together this year, the rumor mill heated up last month when Hamilton reportedly made plans to play with another this year.
“Yet another love triangle. Yet another tabloid story. Only the future will tell if more trashy women come out and say they had sex with Mike and Ron,” said Peter Rusch of Southern California Beer Pong. “Oh wait. This isn't the Tiger Woods story. It just seems like it from all the ridiculousness.”
Although Ron’s new partner has not been announced, early indications are that he may be in discussions to play with Lester “Facetime” Marks, despite current partner Tom Feliz’s denials.
“This is the breakup of a dynasty,” said Marks via text message. “Everyone will be watching to see who does better in Vegas. And how much facetime could Facetime get with Ron Hamilton?”
If Facebook comments are any indication, Hamilton is not pleased with the latest development.
“That shit is so fucked up, bro,” Hamilton told Chichester on Facebook before it was deleted minutes later.
The New York State Police have reportedly ordered all retail outlets to immediately pull Cinnamon Life and Jack Daniels off store shelves. Law enforcement authorities reportedly also have contacted local equestrian facilities in hopes of obtaining the bulk quantities of horse tranquilizers likely needed to subdue Hamilton in the event of a possible pillaging.
Although beer pong purists will likely lament the loss of the powerhouse team, the end of Smashing Time may breathe new life into other World Series of Beer Pong hopefuls.
“I think Jason is a top player however he does not bring the intimidation factor and experience under the bright Vegas lights that Ron brought,” said Kevin Kessler, tabbed my many as the heir to Pop’s throne. “I’m sure they will do well but Pop is no longer the pre-tourney favorite.”
Eric Castro, a World Series of Beer Pong veteran who famously choked in last year’s event, seemed pleased with the development.
“I’m glad Pop’s partner finally came to his senses and decided to go with a better play,” Castro said. “And I’m curious if Jason is still making that $1,000 side bet with whoever he partners with.”
Although only one day of signups remain, given the history of Smashing Time, only time will tell if this is another hoax or if this truly is the end of Smashing Time.
“I won’t believe it until Pop and Jason sign in together on the 1st,” said Sean Foster.
